“flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain”!
So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out –
“I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells –
‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?’!”
One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year olds, “I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St.Patrick.”
The teacher said, “Sorry Sean, that’s not correct.”
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Andrew.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either.
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I’ll give you the $2.”
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, “You know Marvin, since you’re Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”
Marvin replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!”
An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday’s sermon he told them, “If one more person confesses to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: “fallen.”
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had “fallen.”
This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.
Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. “You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can’t believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!”
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.
But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said
“I don’t know why you’re laughing; your wife fell three times last week!”