Steven Wright Live STANDUP
STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES
|Steven Wright (1955 – )
US comedian and actor [more author details]
|Showing quotations 1 to 17 of 17 total|
- Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
- I have an existential map. It has ‘You are here’ written all over it.
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
- I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
- If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
- It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
- It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
- Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates… When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, ‘Do I know you?’
- Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
- My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
- There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- What’s another word for Thesaurus?
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’
- You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?