STEVEN WRIGHT-VERY FUNNY

 

Steven Wright Live STANDUP

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http://youtu.be/RETCOVewQqI

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES

Steven Wright (1955 – )
US comedian and actor [more author details]
Showing quotations 1 to 17 of 17 total
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
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Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has ‘You are here’ written all over it.
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Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
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Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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Steven Wright

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
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Steven Wright

It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
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Steven Wright

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
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Steven Wright

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Steven Wright

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates… When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, ‘Do I know you?’
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Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Steven Wright

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Steven Wright

What’s another word for Thesaurus?
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Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’
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Steven Wright

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
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Steven Wright

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