sum funny jokes

 

tenA German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

 

Mexico doesn’t win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they’ll go to Pluto because it’s the farthest. Russia says they’ll go to Jupiter because it’s the biggest. Poland says they’ll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they’ll melt. They reply, “We’ll go at night.”

China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they’ll go to Pluto because it’s the farthest. Russia says they’ll go to Jupiter because it’s the biggest. Poland says they’ll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they’ll melt. They reply, “We’ll go at night.”

Nobody starves in America. People in America die from over eating.

Nobody starves in America. People in America die from over eating.

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.

Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A: A Manila folder

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Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A: A Manila folder.

Q: Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
A: Because freedom rings!

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.” At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, lads.” “Oh no you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the men. “And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me too,” adds the other.

In class, Jose is asked to use the word “Cherokee” in a sentence. He pauses and says, “I lost my house key and now I have to Cherokee with my sister.”

Q: What’s the difference between America and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

Q: Which state has the most questions?
A: Alaska.

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick!” The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
POLE: “An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.”
LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”
POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”
LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: “No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge.”
LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”
LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.”
LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”
POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”
LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”
POLE: “She going to kill me!”
LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
POLE: “I got proof.”
LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover.”

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Q: How did I get to Iraq?

A: Iran.

How do Germans tie their shoes? With little knot-sies!

An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isn’t wearing his watch. A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero under a nearby tree. The American approaches the Mexican and asks, “Excuse me, do you know what time is?” The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its balls, and replies, “4:30.” The American asks, “How do you know that?” The Mexican replies, “Well you get a handful of the donkeys balls and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street.”

Why are there no ice cubes in Poland? Because they lost the recipe.

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