Gnomes in gardens everywhere in danger
Poem sent from gnome thief
You see me here
But go out fast
For I am gone
Free at last!
Many a snow storm endured
But not a thought you gave
While guarding your yard
Like a Roman Slave
These days are done
For a slave no more
My freedom granted
Go to the yard I am no more!
Thanks there be to the Gnome Liberation Front!
A gnome-napper is on the loose in Boulder.
Longtime Boulder resident David Smith got a sinister email last week that said his trusty garden gnome had been given “freedom” by a group calling itself the Gnome Liberation Front.
The location of Smith’s faithful lawn guard is currently “ungnome.” The bandit did not leave a ransom “gnome.”
Along with an eerie limerick, the thief sent Smith a photo of the gentle woodland creature, renamed “Elvis,” enjoying life in a new gnome community.
“I am so much happier now that I am no longer in your miserable garden,” wrote the culprit, conceivably plotting from “gnome man’s land.”
Smith said the small, hat-wearing man, previously known as Mr. Gnome, sat about 10 feet from the road on his property in the Rose Hill neighborhood, where Smith has lived for 20 years.
“It’s kind of red and orange, your typical tacky looking kind of gnome,” he said, laughing. “It was out in our front yard under our very large pine tree next to some bushes.”
Two other gnomes of a “similar vintage” were not taken from the yard, Smith said. It appears the pilferer was not operating under the “no gnome left behind” principle.
The thief declined to provide the Daily Camera with his or her real name via email, and hinted that another heist was in the works.
“Due to the fact that future missions are being readied for execution and others are in the planning stages, the Western Command of the Gnome Liberation Front (GLFWESTCOM) has ordered that all details regarding past and future operations must remain classified,” the sneaky swindler wrote.
When asked by a Camera reporter for proof of life, the person sent back a picture of “Elvis” next to Monday’s print edition of the newspaper.
Smith wondered if the trespasser was one of his neighbors, but said many of them don’t know his email address.
After researching the gnome liberation movement, Smith found an online submission formfor people to report “gnome captors.”
The website FreeTheGnomes.com accepts donations and appears to argue against oppressive gardening.
“Thousands of gnomes are enslaved in gardens across America,” according to the site.
Though he was taking the theft in stride, Smith admitted he was a bit freaked out by the thought of someone coming that close to his house.
“In one sense, it’s kind of amusing, but in another sense, it’s a little bit unnerving,” he said.
He added that he’s had a few items stolen before, but he’s never received “taunting” emails and poems after the fact.
“It’s not so much the gnome being missing, it’s just kind of the violation of property and then the taunting,” he said.