sum of the best #one-liners on the internet

sum of the best one-liners on the internet

 

Zee by Zee — 17 Oct ’09, 02:00am in Shareables

  
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.352. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.

With a calendar, your days are numbered.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”

If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone

365. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

366. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.

If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!

Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!

369. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.

. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.

Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.

If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …

Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

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