Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

I think, therefore I’m single.

331. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

I bet you I could stop gambling.

The only difference between the people I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Sex on tv can’t hurt unless you fall off.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.

Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.

. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 yearsSquirrels – nature’s speed bumps.


When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.


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